With the end of the winter meetings, many obsessive New York Mets fans will have little to do besides lament the long hours that still remain until pitchers and catchers report to spring training, and the even longer period until receiving a thrill more meaningful than watching Ramon Castro long-toss with Pedro Feliciano. But there are many active steps a fan can take in order to get a baseball fix between now and February. Think of the offseason less as an offseason, and more of a season where you can take your role as a passionate fan to new heights.

Computer Outlets

Thanks to the advent of computers, it can be Opening Day every day of the year! New, improved baseball simulation games are available for download or purchase for a small fee. My personal favorite is Baseball Mogul- but others, such as Out of the Park Baseball, are also quite popular.

Of course, to enhance the realism, there are a number of steps you can take, such as wearing a Frank Cashen bowtie, playing on a laptop in the parking lot of Shea Stadium, and pretending when your less intelligent friends call that they are Pirates GM Dave Littlefield.

Another computer salve for offseason irritation is the creation of a Web site devoted to your team. The first thing you will need is a catchy title. I suggest combining any 2-3 of A) your team’s name or city, B) a disparaging name for yourself, C) a computer term, or D) an obscure player or quote from your team’s past. Currently unused Mets names include ASeriesofAmazinTubes.com, TheGothamSwobodaNerds.net, and WilponsMeaningfulGamesSocietyforSociallyIneptTapani.org. Feel free to use any of these.

Once you’ve started your Web site, it’s time to create an unsubstantiated rumor. For instance: did your wife make the comment, “If I weren’t married to you, I’d be all over Barry Zito?” Was she wearing a tight Mets shirt at the time? “Sources close to the Mets indicate that Barry Zito is a desirable alternative.” You’ll be proud when you see your rumor repeated verbatim in the New York Post!

Another way to pass the winter is to find baseball message boards, such as those at this current Web site! While during the year you’ll be able to hear all manner of abuse heaped at Mets players, relive the excitement with anonymous quotes that are relentlessly critical of the Amazin’s.

Interpersonal Outlets

Your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend can play a surprisingly useful part in bridging the gap from one season to the next. With marriage essentially a series of barters, there are any number of things you can do to make winter time “together” time- and baseball time.

Since my wife enjoys shopping, I will accompany her and provide my opinion on various outfits, many of which are exactly the same, provided that she pretends to be Athletics General Manager Billy Beane and discusses possible trades for pitchers Rich Harden, Danny Haren, and Huston Street. Depending on how convincingly disparaging she is of White Sox GM Kenny Williams, I am equally enthusiastic about picture frames that truthfully, we don’t have pictures for, let alone room in the house. But who cares? I just got Harden for Anderson Hernandez and future considerations!

Sadly, in a long offseason, your wife may get tired of talking ceaselessly about baseball. According to the ASPCA, this is a good time to seek out a small, furry friend, such as a dog or cat. Sometimes I like to pretend my black cat, Regan, is Mets second baseman Jose Valentin. Gain valuable insight into the upcoming season through candid interviews. For instance, “Jose, if you plan to improve your ability to hit left-handed pitching in the coming year, stop leaving large clumps of fur on the sofa!” My advice to the New York Mets would be to seek a platoon partner.

Other Outlets

There is much music associated with the New York Mets, and the right tune can take you far from the cold winter nights and into the warm summer embrace of Shea Stadium, for instance by yelling “It’s Outta Here!” during key passionate moments of your life. Songs such as “Lazy Mary,” “Meet the Mets,” and even bootleg recordings of “Let’s Get Mets-merized” can warm the heart and ease the pain.

If you own a counter, another way to bring Shea right into your home is to ask for a hot dog and then wait 30 minutes while not receiving a hot dog. You can easily add to the realism of this experience by flooding your bathroom and then not allowing yourself access into it. Or you can act as if you actually work at Shea Stadium, ask your cat if he has a ticket for that spot on the sofa, and when he doesn’t respond, throw him across the room.

Hear What You Want to Hear

When my wife suggested that it was time to reexamine our relationship, I found that it was best to pretend that she was, in fact, conducting an interview as if I were on Kiner’s Korner. I made sure to assuage every one of her concerns by referring to her successful stint as a power hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates, and I thanked her for the gift, as a result of appearing on the show, of half my things.

With reality ultimately purely subjective, there is no reason that there needs to be any baseball offseason. Make a season 365 games long, 366 on leap years, and bask as I do in Carlos Beltran’s two-out, three-run home run off of Adam Wainwright that put the Amazin’s in the 2006 World Series. I know it happened- both my Web site and my cat said so.